yesterday was rough.
i am just going to sit here and write.
pour out my thoughts.
i couldn't write a fluffy happy post after the day i had yesterday.
sometimes i can feel so in love…so content and confident…so happy with everything in my life.
and then in less than 24 hours feel the opposite.
i feel that great feeling mostly when i am with my husband.
we are best friends and i feel most like myself when i am with him.
he loves me well.
but man….raising kids can be SO DANG HARD.
it can wear you down like nothing else can.
and your marriage too….you have to protect it like a mama grizzly.
parenting is so much harder than i ever thought it would be (good thing i jumped right in and had five kids)
(and sorry mom. sorry dad.)
sometimes i feel like i am getting worse at parenting everyday.
shouldn't i be getting better?
shouldn't i be getting experienced?
we had a moment yesterday where my husband and i both just sat together staring at the wall holding hands in a total dazed state of completely not knowing what to do.
we had no plan.
we had no thoughts.
just kind of stunned by how our kids were behaving.
and in those moments….i want to go hide away in my mind to the good stuff.
the stuff where we are happy and carefree.
the times where we aren't worried about how they are going to turn out.
the stuff that makes us smile and feel proud of them.
but we are the parents.
there is no one else to do this job but us!
it's me and him.
how crazy is that when you reeeeeally think about it?
we have to do the hard parts too.
even though i don't like those parts….i like making crafts and playing soccer and eating ice cream or laughing over a movie.
i don't like discipline and rules and tension and arguing.
i really don't.
i keep going back to advice from a friend saying "their story isn't over yet"
and "everyone needs to mess up so they can come back and learn from it"
or "it gets better…they grow out of it"
i hang on those words for sure.
especially "their story isn't over yet"
because i want my kids so badly to know Jesus deeply.
to come around and have a desire in their heart to be with HIM.
if they were good all the time…they wouldn't know why they needed Him in their life.
it is exhausting to watch them choose wrong over and over.
just like it is for God to watch me choose wrong…say wrong…do wrong…think wrong….OVER AND OVER.
for over 25 years.
i have been reading this book again.
it helps calm my heart when i put my children's name into the verses from my bible to pray over them.
it's a good book.
i am praying my heart out for my kids.
i don't feel like i am good at it.
it's not natural for me.
i struggle at prayer…i get distracted VERY easily…but prayer can be anywhere anytime…go to GOd and you're there. that's it. And He wants us there all day long.
"LOVE NEVER FAILS" is the verse i keep coming back to.
when i feel disappointed and have the thought "this is not what i wanted…i didn't sign up for this"
i hear "love never fails."
God never promised me that having a big family would be easy and fun all the time and that all my kids would just fall in line, obeying my every word and love on me every chance they get.
that was my disillusion i brought to the table.
i love all my kids like crazy.
sometimes i feel very frustrated, worn down, diappointed or sad.
but they still need me.
especially when they do those things….they NEED guidance, reaauarnce that i will still be there, protection and LOVE.
love never fails.
so…..that's my takeaway from this discussion i just wrote out with myself in my head….
LOVE.
whatever i do or say to my kids it has to be in love.
if i don't have love….it's useless.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
– 1 Cor. 13 (the Message)
these are usually wedding verses but they work awesome for parenting wisdom also.
my kids are off of school today.
ok…. i must get out of bed and turn this day awesome.
cause yesterday really wasn't.
although craig did bring us (me and the 3 youngest kids) out on the roof last night and we watched the stars together.
it was really beautiful and calming.
(thanks babe for that….let's do that more often.)
bottom line….i love my kids.
i am so glad i had them ALL and i want to be able to love them through anything they throw at me.
it is hard.
i have confidence that God will give me the strength to do it.
but that doesn't mean it will be easy.
annnnnd i miss having babies in the house….big time.
the end.
:)
Sarah - I love how that baby is looking at you in that last pic! So cute. You have the same kind of weekends we have here…I am ready for a breather!
Jeannine - I spent as long as I could cuddling my 6 week old daughter.
When my husband wasn’t stealing her for cuddles of his own, that is 🙂
Jen - Love your weekend photos, Meg. Looks like fun! Here in OH we…watched our 5-year-old daughter score her first soccer goal!, flew kites, took our dog for a long walk, sidewalk chalked it up, went to church, and RELAXED. I was exhausted two Sunday nights in a row and I MADE myself slow down this weekend and it worked. I have more energy so far this week. I actually laid down and rested for an hour on Sat. afternoon. Ahhh…
Pinterest – yes. I made a new recipe last night from Pinterest. A yummy pork recipe.
Alice H - We were busy with football games and friends being over at the house. BUT I did sneak out Sunday morning when my baby, ok 2.5 year old, was napping and I went and saw Trouble with the Curve all by myself!! I cried. Great movie. Then Sunday I took all 3 of my kids to Ray Harrell Nature Park so we could be outside in the amazing weather. Then we went to dinner and then to another park to play. It is so funny when my older 2, Emilee 13 and Zackary 11, enjoy playing at the park with Colton, my 2.5 year old.
Jenny wells - Well I learned a VERY hard lesson on my way to work about stray kittens and warm engines….always check your car!! My day turned around despite having to work because I am a NICU RN and got to be in the delivery room and “catch ” a baby during a quad delivery. Pretty exciting and little baby “a” is doing just fine so it sure made
My kitten nightmare on te way there a lot better!!
Flower Patch Farmgirl - I want to jump inside that farmhouse and stay a while.
Our weekend? We kept a tiny baby overnight on Saturday, then returned her home Sunday and picked up two tiny baby TWINS. Baby Mania.
Lisa - Your oldest has hops! 🙂
That first picture of Annie’s face is
awesome!
We had our 5 yr olds soccer game
on Saturday… Nothing cuter then
a bunch of 5 yr olds playing soccer!
And our 9 yr old’s first flag football
game.
We have 4 kids and I am just
starting to see how busy we will be
once they all have practices and games.
Michelle From Australia - I finished researching the last of our USA trip accommodation and booked it in. Lake Tahoe, Monterey, Cambria and Santa Monica. All done and dusted. Maybe I can work in Kansas on our next trip?
Valerie @ Chateau Ala Mode - Your busy weekends bring back memories to me. Mine aren’t as filled up as they used to be anymore as my kids are getting to be young adults. There’s good and bad to that. I did get to spend my whole Sunday afternoon and evening watching the red carpet arrivals for the Emmy Awards…that’s my thing. Watching all the glamour and prettiness. Wishing I had a beautiful dress to where somewhere 😉 Have a great week.
Tiffany - I love those quilts! My Grandmas made block quilts like that often, and we still have several of them. Made from fabric from clothing my grandparents had. (In the time of not wanting to waste a thing.) It’s fun to think of the stories those blankets hold. As for one thing for me this weekend… I watched the latest episode of Project Runway after the kids were in bed Friday night. 🙂
Tracy Fisher - i had something removed from the back of my leg… alone…. in a dr’s office… laying on my tummy… waiting patiently for the dr. to come in… i almost fell asleep. haha…i will take alone time wherever i can get it… pathetic?… sure…. but that’s a mom for you :). tracy
sue - My Hubby and i brewed beer all week end. It was fun .
Kristin S - I just re-read my comment and it sounds really snarky and sassy. That isn’t how I intended at all!
I love all your family fun/sports/hang out/real life stuff. Makes me thankful for all my friends growing up and a bit sad I didn’t get a brother until I was 16.
Kristin S - Whew, I’m exhausted from reading that. 🙂 My mom needs to call and thank me for not being involved in sports past 6th grade.
Random: I seriously think you would have to pay me $1million to put on those volleyball shorts.
Tanya - We went to a small town Fall fair and had so much fun 🙂
Then we happened upon a crazy country bargain store where I scored a ton of giant Fall mums and pumpkins for really cheap! So happy!
Sunday night family dinner was at my mom’s and we ordered Chinese food.
Great weekend.
Loni - Busy busy! Glad I’m not alone. I did escape to enjoy a pedi with a fried.
Donna - The night time stuff looks like fun! You made me miss volleyball! I used to play in high school, one sport I was pretty good at! 🙂 It looks like they kicked butt!
Jenny B. - Oh, my goodness! So many games!! I can’t imagine. Talby is playing soccer AND volleyball?? No wonder she has Wonder Woman legs. You go, girl! 🙂
My weekend was quite the opposite of yours. My husband and I went to a B&B in Branson while our boys spent the weekend with grandparents. I hit all the flea markets in the old downtown area while he sat on a bench and read his library book. The weather was perfect, and we agreed it was an ideal afternoon for both of us. I found two globes and a vintage Fisher-Price Little People school house! Yay! FUN.
LOVE your thrift store quilts. I have an old quilt top that I need to figure out how to turn into a quilt. HA. 🙂
Chris - Hi Meg! I’m wondering what kind of lense you use on your camera. Thanks!!
J - We love bonfires at this time of year! Waffle looks like such a fun dog. I’d like to have a goldendoodle. My daughter, little granddaughter and I went to a nearby state park on Saturday. The leaves were gorgeous, we had fun being together and shared lots of laughter.
Julie - Let’s see we had varsity football Friday night where the senior and the freshman played side by side! So proud! And we they played so well and almost beat the #1 team in the state.
Saturday was a lot of waiting around for my husband to get home so I could run to Wichita by myself. Went to Penny’s and got some amazing deals for all the boys, including the husband. Didn’t even look at clothes for myself. Went to Dillon’s to pick up food for 18 yr old’s birthday dinner tomorrow night. I did stop at Sonic on my way home for a cherry lime Coke just for me! Rushed home to make supper.
Sunday was church, lunch out and then a nap while husband and oldest worked ground and drilled wheat.
Jenna@CallHerHappy - holy moly! that is a weekend 🙂 i got a nice looooong nap this weekend while hubs watched the babe. we’ve got another one cooking now, so i need sleep when i can get it!
Rach - Could you please (in your spare time) box up some of your lovely cold weather and the store that prices such beautiful quilts for such reasonable prices. We could use more of both of those out here in LA LA Land.
Thanks. 🙂
Cheryl E. - Ok, I’m so jealous (in a good way) of the $2.50 quilts! That’s just craziness!
Wish my weekend was a little more exciting. Husband was out of town (AGAIN) and all I did was run errands, clean and stop kids from bickering!
Debbie S. - Early? What does that even mean?! I don’t think we’ve ever been early to anything since we’ve had kids…definitely not early enough to have to kill time shopping 🙂 I’m impressed!!!
elisa - My family loves Waffle. It’s such a thrill to watch kids improve their game isn’t it?
Kate - So glad you had a great weekend! Those quilts are a HUGE score!
Momma of 4 - Your weekend sounds miserable! I am sorry if that sounds rude. I am admittedly not a Sports Momma. My son did soccer one year and it felt like we were at practices & games non-stop. He got the trophy & I swore- never again. I joked that I should’ve gotten the trophy for all of the running I did to get him there! HA! 😉 Guess my kids won’t be getting any sports scholarships! I used to be really busy at certain times of the year with my oldest really involved in musicals, the theatre and dance. I miss it sometimes but I’m really glad my husband pointed out what a hamster wheel we were on. This weekend, it was nice here, in the mid 70’s. We went to a drive-in theatre and saw “The Odd Life of Timothy Green”-awesome movie. Saturday morning, I went consignment shopping with my girlies and then we went to visit Grandpa and made him homemade chili. Sunday, we went to church and a Fall Festival. Nothing specifically for myself but lots of family stuff. Ours seemed non-stop, too.
jackie grandy - BTW, the Waffle updates crack me up and always bring a smile to my face.
jackie grandy - Hi Meg! I always love reading the weekend recaps. Weekends are crazy in our house as well with back to back soccer games, dance classes, birthday parties, it gets so exhausting. I was so exhausted from the chaos of last week that I actually fell asleep on the couch Friday evening at 7:45. How lame am I? I did do something for myself this weekend. I felt like I needed to get out and connect with nature, so I went on an amazing run in the redwoods, and it was blissful! Happy Monday!
xoxo,
Jackie
Lisa M. - You are busy…not that you don’t know that, right? 🙂 Unlike summer, our fall weekends seem to not be as busy. It’s our weeknights that are CRAZY!! But truthfully, I’d rather have that and be able to hang out on the weekends. I’ll savor that now, cuz I’m sure it’s just a phase 🙂 Love that you’re still running! I need to get my butt out there. Tonight. I’ve already decided tonight. I just wish I had a running partner like I do a lifting partner. It’s so much better when I’m held accountable.
Great post! I always look forward to reading them. Thanks for sharing!
Lee Ann - That makes me tired just reading it! 🙂 I ran a 10k with friends. Running with friends is so much better than running alone. I have a half marathon coming up – with friends. I keep waiting for you to do a half! You can do it!!!! Seriously! I’ve never come close to running 100 miles in a month! If you can do that you can run a half. Go Meg Go!!!! 🙂
roganne - gracious you are busy!! how do you schedule all of those events and keep everything organized? i can hardly remember what i went to the grocery store for! you are super mom!
Maria - craziness here too…3 soccer games and party planning madness for sunday’s pool party extravaganza…whew…i was ready for monday…but the weekend went by way too fast…boo.
as for time for myself…nada this weekend, but I did get in a nap or two, so I guess that counts right? maybe a manicure later this week will make up for it?
Jennifer - You really scored on those baby quilts from the thrift store…love them! We had a really nice and relaxing weekend. My in-laws traveled down to stay with us–it was so nice to have them in town for a visit. They were excited to meet our new little foster baby boy for the first time.
And, let’s see… I did treat myself to a salted caramel hot chocolate from Starbucks last week…yippee!
I love Fall weekends…already looking forward to next weekend. 😉
blessings,
jennifer
Sarah - love that lauren has her volleyball jersey tucked in- you don’t see a whole lot of modesty in volleyball these days. we spent our saturday relaxing (i didn’t even get dressed til noon!!)
Susan - We had a quiet weekend. A friend slept over Friday night and we hung out most of the day on Saturday. I am so jealous of your cold weather! Right now it’s 94 degrees here in Fort Worth, TX. My daughter would love to do volley ball but she’s 12 years old and 4’6″ and I’m afraid she’s a little short! All the girls who played volley ball when I was young were tall…maybe that’s a myth!
Whitney - This weekend was amazing for me! We got some great family time and that’s the best times! The weather has been absolutly perfect here!
seriously sassy mama - I work every weekend so I can be home with my girls. My time to myself is when I am driving to and from work.
happygirl - You are a busy mama. I can’t even imagine how you do all you do. Welcome to Monday. 🙂
janet @ ordinary mom - Wow! And I feel like two kids is enough when we do back to back jiu jitsu and dance on Mondays. You have a busy bunch.
I have been going through my pinterest pins and making a list of doable ideas for the next while. I want to do 1 thing a week if I can.
Here’s hoping. 🙂
Happy Monday.