whatever

carissa... brown eyed fox - meg!
a trip of a life time.
the soul good… deep down… never the same… kind.
i am in awe of the whole visit.
all the photographs you captured.
all the lives you touched.
and they will forever be changed.
SO happy yall are back.
safe.
with your families.
still praying of you.
♥ you!

Karina - Very moving. I would not have seen any of that if it weren’t for you and your blog. Please don’t think that being back home means you can’t affect change in others. Your photos and descriptions and emotions are a wonderful way to communicate the experience in ways that will touch a privileged person sitting in her pajamas at her computer in her comfortable western home. Thank you for sharing this.

Kait - I spent every summer during high school doing mission trips, mainly in Haiti but I did spend one summer in Brazil. It’s tough to come back. It’s tough to come back even when you know what to expect. It’s tough to adjust to the little things like how fast the cars on the highway are and all the options in the grocery store, much less the big things like reconciling a spoiled American life with your new global awareness about poverty. (incidentally, it’s really hard to fit in with teenagers when your “what I did this summer” is about orphans and HIV and theirs is about the beach and parties)
So what do you do? You do what you can. You donate as much money as you can, you speak honestly to your children about it so they realize that poverty and ugliness and joy CAN coexist, you go back if you can and send your children if you can and you raise money and you do everything you possibly can. Or you do nothing. You wait and mourn and sob yourself to sleep and wonder if there is any way to go back to life before all this and slowly, days become months and months become years and life sweeps in and you let go. You’ll never forget, it would be impossible. But the edges are dulled and you move on with your life.
My biggest regret, with everything that I saw and everything that I did, was that instead of making me more fearless and more compassionate it made me scared and bitter. I was more focused on trying to assimilate back in to an average teen and somehow lost sight of the person I had become in the face of the realities I had seen.
I’m praying for you.

Suzanne - I remember my daughter when she got home from her first mission trip to Haiti getting out of the car from the airport and the tears were streaming down her face, she kept saying Mom I didn’t want to leave them! We hugged for a long long time, my heart broke for her. She was forever changed after that trip.
God bless you Meg, you have a beautiful heart. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Learn from this.

Janine - You fit in right where you always did. At home. You have 5 children and a husband that depend on you. Yes it is a wonderful thing to be able to go on a mission trip and help those less fortunate and now knowing that the need is there you feel like how can you not continue to help them. But what you need to realize though, is that you didn’t need to travel half a world away to do this work. I can almost guarantee you that there is need right in your own backyard in Kansas. Focus on that – helping those who need help right in your area. They may not appear as dirt poor as those in Africa but we have starving children right here in the US. They may even be attending school right along side your children. We have families that are a blink of an eye away from being homeless. We have orphans, sick, poor. Help them. They need the help too, and by doing that you are still doing God’s work. As much as you would like to, you can’t save the whole world, but you can help in your own little patch of earth. If everyone did that the world would be a much better place. Use this energy and knowledge you have from your trip to better your own community. I wish you well. You have a big heart and will figure it all out.

Meredith - You fit squarely into both worlds, Meg. Your joy and generosity is reflected in both. You can’t physically be in two places at once, but your heart, your prayers and your focus can. You’re a woman don’t forget….we’re famous for multi-tasking. Meredy xo.
p.s. I posted Leeland’s clip of this song a few days ago and we’re planning on showing it at our women’s mission event in a couple of months. The words are a call to action aren’t they? You, Meg, are a woman of action:)

sarah - Well of course, I started crying almost immediately… wish I could shut off the water works sometimes…
I can’t imagine coming home from a trip like that. I don’t think I’d know what to do with myself or my feelings either. I didn’t even go, and just from your pictures and words… I don’t know what to do with myself either. Just know that there’s more to give. More ways to love. More to share.
Use those journals, use your blog.. put your feelings and thoughts out there… no matter how jumbled or what they are.
Were the pictures of the children from an orphanage?
Those pictures of the children tugged at my heart…

Laura Phelps - God knows where you should be
listen to Him
you will work it all out
until then
I believe you are meant to continue sharing your experience with as many people as you possibly can
God is working you in miraculous ways and I am so blessed to be touched by you and your experience

Melissa - wow- I’m crying just watching this. What a beautiful expression of the love of Christ. I imagine it was a life altering experience. My heart is heavy for Africa too… I love what jeanne said above. Let it change your days…
Praying for you now, Meg.

pambuller - ugh! i’ve watched it over and over…so productive. 🙂
we should go back.
tomorrow.
missing africa AND you…

Jacqui - I still to this day think about the wonderful and amazing people that I met in Africa, their hardships, their souls, their trusting nature and amazing smiles. They taught me that its the little things that make you happy. There isn’t much (unfortunately) you can do about the way you feel only to let time pass and it will get easier to live each day. Take care 🙂

Kendall Smith - I understand, too. We went to Africa 5 1/2 years ago, and there still isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about that trip. It has changed us. I’m sure it’s changed you! We live differently, spend our money differently, and look at life differently because we went. It is hard to reconcile that view of life with what we see everyday.
Don’t you just want to go back????

Sally Mangham - Gosh, everyone is giving you such great advice. I love to read the wisdom being shared with you. I have not been on a trip like this in my life; however, I was in the social work field for six years in the private sector and I have seen severe poverty before where the norm was roaches crawling all over everything and rats just hanging around. It was hard to come home at night to my clean nice things and wonder what in the world am I doing in this wasteful world. I have a weak stomach and I didn’t want to become ill in front of the children because I didn’t want them to feel embarrassed. All of that being said when opportunities in our life present itself we can choose different paths. Please be patient with yourself and allow yourself to just feel…I know it feels hard and lonely, but you can do it! Just sit with it and ask God for clarity as what you should do with this new found experience. It is overwhelming and please know that it’s alright and normal, but in order to get clarity (see the light if you will) you have to go through the darkness. I always think of it as a season of spring time in my life like a tulip bulb that has been in the dark part of the earth all alone just waiting patiently for the right time to shine is beauty upon us. Hang in there and treat yourself lovingly.
One of the things that would be nice for you to consider creating and share is a nurture basket. I did this years ago…so about 8 of us put our favorite things in this basket to share with everyone. So, if one of my girlfriend’s lost a family member or they were going through growing pains and needed some TLC we would pass them the basket. The only rule was you had to replenish it with something that you had. For example, if you used bubbles but you only hand chocolate then replace it with that. This was really nurturing and fun too! I would be great for you to share this with a core set of friends or the women you went to Africa with. Just a thought. Hugs, Sally

Trasie - Wow…..I can’t make the tears stop! I can’t even imagine how one must process all that you saw over there but God Bless you for all that you did while you were there and that you continue to do back at home. I know my eyes have been opened because of you!
Many Many blessings!

purejoy - i know what you mean. i have been to china three times and each time, coming home is so hard. like okay, God, i saw what you wanted me to see and experienced what you wanted me to experience, but now what do i do with that?
journaling is a good thing. and what you are doing here is good too. getting us out of our own little worlds to know there is more besides our easy (relatively) easy lives here in the US.
i wish i had an answer for you, because i’m still searching for that myself.
but i think God would be very happy to have you praying for this area! and the people.

merlin - “the end” ???
I don’t think so!
Your trip entries have been thought provoking and I thank you for sharing your journey with us.

Vera - Thank you for sharing your trip. And really for inspiring me constantly. But not for making me give up sugar, I’m still too grouchy about that to be thankful – I’ll get there.

Liz - I am a HUGE fan of your blog and seriously delight in reading all your wonderful stories. The Africa trip posts have inspired me in ways you can’t even imagine. Thank you for posting all of them!
I do have one quick question, I know that you are so very busy, but do you ever scrapbook anymore? I’m a fellow scrapbooker and was just wondering.

Heather - i have my ‘whatever shop’ photo all framed up in my living room and every time i see it reminds me of how 8 white ladies followed their hearts to africa to make a difference.
awesome and inspiring! plus the print is really pretty. 🙂 thanks for sharing with us!!

Kate - thank YOU for going and sharing and photoing and being real! You are amazing!

Sarah - Thank you for posting about your trip! It really is inspiring to me

meg duerksen - PRAYER COUNTS!!! thank you for praying!

Diana - i could only afford to pray a lot and really really hard… i think God heard 🙂
thanks to YOU for sharing your trip with us, making us feel like we were there with you…. this has meant soooooooo much!
God is good, and He is in the world!
♥

princess lasertron - funny!
pregnant? rude! I think its funny how I am like 9 months pregnant and VERY FEW people ask me if I am. like they are afraid to be wrong.

melissa - HIL. AR. I. OUS.
I am laughing so hard right now!!!!!
and then i read your comments and the chick that had the flower lady rub her belly………oh my. too much!!!
thanks for the laugh today! i needed it!!!
melissa

chasity - thanks for making me laugh this morning.
those were great little tidbits.

Donna - I had a lady say, “You didn’t tell me you were pregnant!” Yeah, cuz I’m not. Grrrrrrrrr.
Thanks so much for sharing the pictures and stories!

Jen - I love reading your blog and am encourage by your honesty and journey as a woman of God. Thanks for sharing from your depths of all emotions from Africa. This post made me crack up. I thought of a commercial I saw and thought you would enjoy it. Blessings to you and thanks for sharing the real you.
Jen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLqf4-jv0ng&feature=related

Rachel / cREaTe - cracking UP at you & pam cracking UP over the pilot needing your window! 😀 that is so freakin’ funny! i fly all the time & have heard that about the shades … but never knew why {& my husband’s a pilot!}. so thanks to heather for the explanation {in her comment}! but envisioning the pilot stooping to peer out row #19 is priceless.
great stories!!! 😀

Jennifer - wow!! I am so moved by your Africa! What you felt,what you saw what you experienced..The photos are amazing…

Diana - i cannot write on here what i woulda said to the lady who made the preg comment. :p i have seen pics of you in here and you don’t even resemble that remark!
ugh, not having enough leg room! that would drive me nuts… i gotta have lotsa flip-over room when i sleep. LOL!
happy belated birthday, Pam!
♥

Lisa - Imagining you guys laughing so hard about the window shades being up reminded me about a trip I took. Flying home from a mission trip to Guatemala a friend and I started talking about “what if planes drove on roads instead of flying” Then we thought about plane road racing. We were laughing hysterically. Of course no one else thought we were funny! I think its the fatigue and delirium kicking in! Thanks for sharing about your trip! Its been a long time since I did a mission trip. Haven’t wanted to leave my kids. God may be starting to tug on my heart that its time to get back in the game! 🙂

Heather - I love that you’re sharing all this with us. I get so excited when I see you have a new post. I love your honesty.

LOL - TO FUNNY!!!!

Megan - OMG I’m still laughing. Its amazing what people say when they don’t even know you. I can’t sleep on a plane either. I think I have RLS too plus I’m too busy watching other people and making sure the plane is gonna land. Good stories, loved them!

Courtney - You are too stinkin’ funny. The pregnancy comment – OH, just ignore it! Sounds like you had a great time – great post!! We can all just picture it. I love your new friends at the Duty Free!

Rachel @ Pencil Shavings - O
M
G
I am DYING over here, reading about that pregnancy comment! That is TOO MUCH! One time my husband had flowers delivered to me on Valentine’s Day several years before our son was born. I was wearing an empire-waist dress, kinda before they were available everywhere. Anyway, I guess the flower delivery lady thought I was pregnant and actually reached in to the doorway and rubbed my belly.
Sorry lady. No bun in this oven!

heather - I’ve loved your posts about Africa! Enjoyed them all! We are adopting from Ethiopia, so we will be going in the near future (a year or so).
I’m a flight attendant, so please let me explain the window shades. I am compelled to take up for my peeps! ha! If there was a need for an emergency evacuation… flight attendants are to assess out of the windows to make sure there is no fire or obstruction outside (in which case they would not open that exit). If the window shades are closed, you can’t see and it is just one more step to to have to open that window shade when time is of the utmost importance. Thank you for allowing me to explain. 🙂

jeanne - Get OUT about the pregnancy comment!!! She wasn’t talking about you…was she???? I would have been hanging out in the air conditioning too.

Beka - Oh dear.
Oh my goodness.
So…I’m crying.
A lot.
Want to go someday.
What love He has!
What a post, dear. Thanks for sharing!

Amanda - I’ve been a lurker of your blog for awhile now (lurker meaning that I don’t often comment, not that I’m cyber stalking ya!) and I’ve been following your Africa posts and I can’t even begin to tell you how much your stories and photos have touched me. Thank you for being so full of faith and taking that amazing journey and sharing it!
God is Good!

nicole - thank you. thank you. thank you.

Keri - This post reminds me of my trips to Honduras. It reminds me of their happiness in the things that we think are so trivial.
Your photos bring tears to my eyes. They know so little of the things that we take advantage of yet they are happy with a boiled egg.

Jessica/littlepumpkingrace - Amazing. Thank you for this beautiful post…and for your giving heart.

Darby - Meg, I’m just now catching up on some of your posts… this one touched me to my core. These children are beautiful, these children are PRECIOUS… what an impact you all made on their lives. Thank you for sharing these touching photographs!!!!

Tammy R - Thank you for sharing your story, and their story. Your pictures and commentary on your trip have really opened my eyes. Words can’t adequately describe the story those pictures tell.

jennifer wood - He is an Awesome God, all Knowing, all Powerful, all Loving:)

Dianne - thank you for sharing this. that’s all i can say right now…thank you for sharing.

LM - Thank you for so thoughtfully and carefully sharing your experience in such a dignified way. Thank you for honoring the culture and people of Sierra Leone.

Sara Cameli - Hi Meg, this filled me with happiness, thank you for sharing everything…

Mindy Harris - precious beyond words. i want to be there. God is holy near and far. may He give us fresh perspective.

mel - Tears are streaming down my face.
Those were some of the most beautiful pictures I have EVER seen. What an amazing post, thank you for sharing with us! God is good, all the time & everywhere. Thank you for that reminder!

Lori McDonough - Meg,
Thank you so much for sharing your amazing journey of faith with us. I am humbled reading it. I am better for it. These faces inspire me. You inspire me. So happy that you are home safe. You are blessed. God is good.
Smiles,
Lori

Diana - to be like little children… oh what joy. total awesomeness. just looking at the photos of them singing, i can hear them through you. and then the prayers. and an egg to eat.
♥

jenny - thank you for doing all you did here, and sharing it. what an incredible opportunity and experience. it has stirred awe and magnificence of the Lord. thanks again.

jack foster - Thank you Meg for sharing your photos, your experience, and your heart with us. Amazing and heart tugging. God bless you. I stopped over here from Becky at Farmgirl Paints

peta - the tears came. thank you. so beautiful.

Jodi - This post brought tears to my eyes, they are streaming down as I type. Amazing. Even through the pictures, you can feel God’s presence.

Michelle Whitlow - Wow. That’s all I can say. Wow.

Small Burst - Aww. This brought tears to my eyes. How amazing those children are, so resilient. Bless you for all that you’re doing.

Kate - Wow Meg. Great photos and stories. This is the first time I have felt compelled to leave a comment on a blog. First, I applaud you for the work you are doing and what a kind, spiritual, giving person you are. The world needs MANY more people like you. What a beautiful human being and fantastic role model you are. Second, thank you for sharing your stories in such vividness. I felt like I was there and wanted to hug each of those precious children. I want to tell them how proud I am of them for paying such good attention and tell them how special each and every one of them are. This was also the first time I really cried reading a post. I cried because I was proud of all of the volunteers there and how important their work is and to see the good it is doing. I cried for those children…out of sadness for the poverty but out of happiness for their enthusiasm and love for GOD. Your posts have been very humbling. We Americans often have too much stuff. I am not even talking about wealth, just too many material possessions we take for granted. Too many toys, multiple household things we could do without,etc… It is possible to live with so much less and realize that all we need is each other. God provides the rest. 🙂

Amy - Tears are in my eyes as I’m looking at these pictures and reading your story. The pictures of praying over the children is awesome. What a great work you guys did there and I know the children will be forever changed by meeting you all!

Krista - What beautiful children, so content with so little. We could all learn an important lesson. Thanks so much for sharing and a reality check!

Katie - Thanks for sharing that. It brought tears to my eyes.

Cori - Thankyou Meg.

Elizabeth - Thanks for the good cry! And so very perfect during Lent to be reminded of moments like these.

Emily - I don’t even have words to describe all the emotions that were running through me as I read your post and looked through the pictures.

Kate - OH meg. I’m weeping. God is so good. God is so lovely. God is so good.

Messy@Bungalow'56 - I’m not usually a teary person, but I welled up. Thanks for posting.
Dana

Shelly - Open the eyes of my heart, Lord.

kbonikowsky - I’ve started to comment many times on all your Africa posts, but then stop, because I keep saying Thank you, thank you! And that gets old…
But, this post made me weep, and I don’t cry, except for missions. I’m completely taken with your journey and your faith and your humility. I know God is blessing you! When people do “missions” for the first time, they are usually struck by the same things: the wealth of the US, the lack of gratefulness in the US, the self-indulgence of the US, heh. (Hasn’t God blessed the US so much?! I love my country!) And they fall in love with God a little more, because they begin to get a glimpse of Jesus’ Father through the lens of “reality.” I can tell you got this too.
How will you do Kansas life different now because you know Africa?

Tonya - Oh Meg, I can’t begin to tell you how moved I’ve been this week by your posts about your trip! Thank you for opening your heart and sharing it all with us! I’m so humbled by your images and am praying how God would have me respond.
Thank you!

Kelsey I - This is is so touching and as you’ve been saying all along, humbling. I have tears running down my face & I’m so glad that I get to start my day seeing this. I won’t be so concerned with worldly things.. today. Thank you.

amy j. - tears. Love the picture of Kari praying with the child.

sara - wow! thank you for sharing such a special experience. just amazing.

Megan - This really brought tears to my eyes! Those sweet faces and how just 1 egg makes them happy. I will have to share this with my children to get them thinking of how blessed they truly are and to be grateful. Thanks for sharing!

Becky @ Farmgirl Paints - Oh Meg I am weeping. This post moved me so much. The looks on their face…anxious to hear God’s word and to worship. Priceless! The washing of the feet…so humbling. I am so glad you went. So glad you could come home and share this. It has blessed my heart so much. I feel like I am a different person. Thank you!!! I posted on you today. Check it out if you get a minute.

Tecla - There is NOTHING like church in Africa. There is a spirit there like no other. You will never forget it, and will probably find yourself longing to experience it again!! I have loved following your journey. I went to Mozambique a couple of years ago and am planning to be in Rwanda this summer. A man once told me that while visiting South Africa, he told someone that Americans were praying for them. The South African man replied, “And we pray for you Americans in your abundance, because it allows you to forget to rely on God.” So true.

Christy - oh my Meg, you got my in tears!! what touching pictures..

Maria in CT - Wow, the tears just keep coming. Thank you for sharing the beauty.

j - oh man.
A few years ago my family and I had the opportunity to have lunch with a missionary and his wife. The lived in Uganda but had been in Africa for years (they were in Rwanda when it was REALLY bad). They are amazing people. I took them around to some of my favorite places. One was a church in Palm Beach where I often take pictures. The man walked around the church and I’ll never forget what he said. He told me that it always amazed him what Americans thought they needed to worship God. He said that an African wouldn’t need this.
How would we live the other six days of the week if we went to a church like the one you went to every Sunday? Thanks so much for sharing these pictures. I’m sure it was a very personal experience and I really do appreciate you putting them “out there”.

Lanny Stanard - Oh Megan… I love these picture’s they tell the story. I thank you for what you do… I love you for that! God Bless You my Friend 🙂

Sarah - wow that was such a beutiful post God bless the ministry team over there. Thank you so much for sharing and putting our lives in perspective.

Debra - Wonderful!

tess s. - moved me to tears. wow.

tara - definitely my FAVOURITE part…so beautiful…~Tara

Peggyrice@gmail.com - Aidan has the chicken pox right now. As we were walking down the street an elderly African man saw him and starting singing a tribal song, touched him on the head, smiled and walked off. It made me feel so good, just something about that man who clearly had far less “things” than us, but filled with so much than me. It’s odd, I thought your pictures from Africa would make me depressed in some way, guilty for what I have, but they don’t, they make feel good just like the man on the street made me feel. They are filled with a joy for life, thank you for sharing them in just the perfect way!

Mary Beth - Awesome Meg..thank you for sharing your pictures and thoughts with us. Those precious faces and hearts full of love and gratitude. So very humbling and convicting! You will never be the same and hopefully neither will we.

Christina - I don’t even know what to say. How warped my thinking is…I sit in my nice house, feeling so sad that we have a roach problem (sorry if that is too much info…that is what I am dealing with these days. Gross.) while you have seen the God of the universe amidst poverty and in the eyes of children who barely have shoes.
Those cheeks! The sleeping, just laid out…that’s universal, isn’t it? So sweet. I bet their singing was just awesome. A group of children that come from a village in East Africa sang at our church recently. Most of the songs were nice songs that they sang in English, and they danced. But the last song was a tribal song, a worship song in their native language, and they were amazing. Really alive! It was by far my favorite…I would love to worship like that. Anyway, thank you for sharing these images and your journey, and the way God has shown himself to you.

Cara Kapp - I’m crying just reading this. I live in South Africa (Cape Town, Kommetjie). You are a very brave women to go there and help them. I love reading your blog and come here everyday to see if there is something new.