just when i reach the end of my rope….my patience is gone….i am acting a little crazy…a lot angry…
God uses people in my life to encourage and uplift me.
i posted that funny video and 30 minutes later the mail came.
there were three gifts in my mail box.
out of the blue.
from kind women….giving to give.
and i don't know any of them in real life.
thank you ladies for lifting me up when i was feeling very down.
i love each one so much!
i felt so special.
did that change my mood though? you would think so but unfortunately….no.
i spent my evening griping at everyone….complaining….avoiding my family…
and them avoiding me for fear of my reaction.
craig even tried to cheer me up with a milkshake…it worked for a few minutes.
then i took a hot bath and did some reading.
and look what God gave me to read:
"We all want to be good examples for our kids – but how often do we stop and consider what
it really entails? In addition to changing diapers and running carpools, and helping with
science problems, godly women are supposed to be wise, resourceful, hospitable,
encouraging, diligent, creative , generous, faithful, watchful, vigorous, strong and cheerful –
and that's just for starters! If you think I am making this up, take a look at Proverbs 31.
Reading this passage used to discourage me. I'd start by checking off the verses I had
"covered" – things like sewing curtains and dust ruffles, or keeping my lamp burning late in
the night as I made endless "To Do lists. But no matter how hard I tried, I never got much
farther than that. I was always, as my friend Kenzie likes to put it, "the Proverbs 32 woman".
But that's where Jesus comes in. By myself I will never measure up. No matter how hard I
try to do everything "right," there will always be times when I let my children down. Unlike
the Proverbs 31 mother, I will probably never know what it feels like to have my kids get out
of bed in the morning and call me "blessed!" But I have learned that the less I rely on my
own abilities and the more I rely on Christ – and the more I let my children see me
depending on him for wisdom, guidance, and strength – the more I will be able to set an
example that's worth following. Instead of saying "Look at me," I'll be able to say
"Look at Jesus."
(pg. 190 of Praying the Scriptures for your Children)
good stuff.
God is so good.
He is the only true happiness and hope and way out from those dark places.
i think i will be fine for tuesday.
———————————————————————————————————————————–
side note: it's 12:44 AM….my entire house has been asleep for an hour.
i am typing in the dark in my bed.
annie just appeared at my bedside….with her sleepy bed head and only her my little pony undies on…
hugged my arm tight and then walked back out of the room.
i love being a mama.
———————————————————————————————————————————–
side side note: do i sound like a psycho?
one post saying i want to do so many things the last three days of summer….
the next post saying i am going crazy like a hormonal wolf man with bleeped out swear words….
then talking about how much i love and need jesus and love my kids????
i think i do sound a little bit off.
it's the adjustments….they are coming this week whether i am ready or not.
my baby will be gone….my mornings start so early….and my washing machine is still broken…etc. etc. etc.
i hope to be back to my normal self soon.
Melissa - Thanks for your post. I have been struggling with these same feelings. I have not been the wife or mom God has called me to be lately. My oldest started kindergarten and I am adjusting to a new stage of life. I love the Proverbs 32 women- that’s so me! Hang in there- I hope your week has gotten better.
deb meyers - your struggle encourages me in mine. I wish I was brave enough to repost the crazy wolfman on my FB, but I’m not. that’ why God brings me your blog!
deb meyers
Kelly - Megan, thanks for being real. Being a mom is hard and I’m only four months in but thank you also for sharing the sweet things like annie coming in that make it so great. God has not given us more than we can bear! Kelly
Lori - Meg,
Thank you for being so open, honest and REAL! Your post reminded me that I am not alone in my own struggles as a mother and a wife. You have encouraged me tonight. Thank you.
Suzanne - thanks for the honesty Meg. You are not alone (see above!) or any different from most moms. Oh how I wish we would all be so honest in real life. Remember that this life is not all there is too, Meg. I take comfort in that a LOT. My children are all grown, but my unsaved husband is an alcoholic, so I struggle with loving him one minute and hating him the next AND I am supposed to be a Christian who overcomes it all. I feel like I am going crazy at times until I get my eyes off myself and onto Jesus.
Sending love your way…be encouraged that you are not alone in this struggle.
Lori - Oh we ALL have those days…How lucky and loved are you to receive 3 random gifts on the same day? 🙂 Will you email or post where the 2 came from? I’m guessing these ladies have Etsy shops…?
Jonelle - You are not psycho!!! I think every mother has felt these feelings, and it’s a shame we don’t share this more often with each other. Instead, we all go along feeling like we are alone and slowly losing our minds. Thank you for your vulnerability and honesty in talking about your feelings and struggles. Our pastor has been talking a lot about this lately – about exposing ourselves and not living with a facade that everything’s “fine.” As Christians, we struggle and make mistakes, but the great thing is we have a God who continues to love us and grant us His mercy. This is our testimony to others – not that we are perfect but that we are saved.
karen - your side notes made me laugh!!
For some reason I read them in a whispered voice?!?!
Kate - I’m quite sure we have all been there. I have yet to meet a woman or a mom who hasn’t. As women we are loving and passionate and creative and smart. We aren’t perfect. That’s God’s thing. And it’s important to let our kids see that we can be wonderful and still have bad days. Hope your day is better.
Kate @ Songs Kate Sang - Sweetest Meg, hang in there. All I can say is that I am so thankful for your honesty. I am so glad I am not alone.
adrienne - hang in there 🙂
patti - oh, and p.s. here is a link to her stuff: http://www.close2myart.com/shoppingcart/
patti - oh, you are so loved! i’ve been a huge fan of michelle’s artwork for years. her stuff is so amazing. i love the little wooden blocks. what a lovely day for you – revel in it!
Juli - If you’re crazy, I am far more so! Personally, I think you sound much more like a frazzled Mom than a psycho.
Melissa - oh how i love to read your blog. you are so real!
laurenjean - This makes me feel normal. I want so many different things all the time. one second I am envying Michell Duggar and her 19 kids, the next I am wondering if I will make it to nap time without locking myself in the closet and crying.
You’re real.
I like that.
Darcie L. - As a 30-year old child, 🙂 I am now realizing how wonderful my parents are, and what a great job they did. So, maybe your kids will come back to you in 10-15 years, spend the night in your home for Christmas or some other holiday, and then rise and call you “blessed.” I know I am recognizing that in my mom now more than ever. I just didn’t see it back then. 🙂
Emily B. - Not to say to that your struggle with swerving levels of motivation and conviction please me (I’m sorry to hear of your difficulty)… but I am blessed to know I am not alone in feeling similarly. Your vulnerability and honesty about the ups, downs and in-betweens helps me realize more and more that we are all in the same boat. This makes me want to grow in authenticity. Because if I try to cover up my struggles and weaknesses and look like I have it all together, than my friends, family and I will feel more alone/isolated in struggles. I think that’s just what the enemy wants, for us to be alone (with our doubts and lies) in our troubles.
Whoa, you hit a nerve, huh?! 🙂
Heather - Great post, just what I needed today 🙂
Courtney Walsh - Having a pretty rough day here…took my kids to their first day at their new school in a new state and there were lots of tears. Broke my heart. Thank you for this reminder.
Sweet gifts from sweet women. 🙂 Your reminder that you are loved…
Sara @ It's Good to be Queen - i. hear. you. oh man girl, i have been straight up psychotic lately. i don’t think my boys or my husband knows what the heck to do with me. seriously, i’m like a maniac. i keep praying that getting back into a routine will help…but i so need some alone time with Jesus i think . you don’t sound psychotic at all, by the way. you sound so normal, so thanks. misery does love company. 😉
rosemarie - meg you are so real and many women feel like you..moms don’t think their kids are listening to them and it’s all just a waste of time and energy(trying to be mom), but kids are listening and when their mothers are not around and they do the right thing, and when they grow up and turn into adults we are proud of them. we taught them well…
doe - Could you please share who gave you those painted signs/pictures? Love them!
Holly - Meg your post was just what I needed to read. I had a night like yours last night.
amandadod - This made me smile because your post sounded like most all of us feel. Being a mom is such a blessing and such a burden. But we aren’t expected to do it alone – God is big and He walks beside us … usually doing the heavy lifting. 🙂
kat - I hope you are feeling better today. From one frazzled mama to another, I know how you feel. Thanks for the encouragement and lifting me up. Hope today is wonderful for you! (Otherwise, just get yourself a hat…) Just kidding, seriously though, I hope today is a better day, my friend!
Gevay - Oh by the way Martha Peace has a book called Damsels in Distress about how to handle the emotions that all women have in a God honoring way.
Gevay - Meg this post strikes a cord with me. In our humanness we are never going to cut it. I often feel like you do, all over the place. I get angry then think “How does that look to my kids?” or “How am I reflecting Jesus?”. I think that excerpt you put in your post is right on. Less us and more of Him! Gevay
evan - my world feels very much the same right now: end of summer… approaching school routine again… not really sure how it will all go… trying to finish up a HUGE project and can’t because i’m literally sick. with something that feels like the flu.
thank God for Jesus, grace, mercy & husbands, right?
this too shall pass…
blu - as mamas we are a little crazy sometimes but as so many of the comments suggest and as mine will suggest also, you are not alone. keep being honest and we’ll keep responding and encouraging you and one another. our hope is in Him and as long as we know that, then there is joy waiting for us in the morning 🙂 be blessed Meg!
Tanya H - Nope you sound completely normal.
Having righteous desires to enjoy our children and spend time with them and build memories with them, but then still being human and feeling overwhelmed and being TIRED of the fighting and really needing a break. And then catching yourself and finding yourself right where you need to be.
Or maybe that’s me….that’s my week too. and I have seven more days for my oldest to go back to school and 14 for my younger one.
Christy - This is perfect timing for me. I just scolded my son last night because his glasses were missing & then I found them, high on a shelf to where only I would have put them. 🙁 What a reality check.
nicky - this is just what i needed to read this morning. thank you so much. my husband left for business and being by myself for 4 days creates so much anxiety in me. our 2 year old daughter has special needs and uncontrolled seizures so needless to say there are moments in every day when i am simply scared. and not having him near makes it even harder. sometimes i feel like i can’t do this but having encouraging words and reminders like you posted help more than you can imagine.
Flower Patch Farmgirl - Well, if it makes you feel any better, I’m making Your/Craig’s bbq meatballs for Calvin’s First Day of School dinner tonight. Why should that make you feel better? I have no idea. But I hope it does. But just in case it still doesn’t, I’m also making homemade mashed potatoes and PEAS (C’s fave) and Ginger Peach cake that is actually more of a pie-ish sort of thing.
miss r - Not crazy at all. In fact, it is comforting to know that I’m not the only one with what feels like schizophrenia at times. It always happens when I’m relying on my own understanding and abilities instead of His.
Trina McNeilly - well than i am a crazy hormonal wolf woman too. Sometimes it is just so refreshing to know you are not the only one floating around in crazy mom land. Wanting to be a good mom and a proverbs 31 woman and failing miserably at it and then waking up to start it all over again. I love that excerpt though. How true that we won’t be perfect but trying again, asking God for help and relying on HIM because we will never be good enough is the right example. Love it. And love your blog and your total realness!
Hope today is just briliant! xoxoxoxoox
Trina
ps-having a fun giveaway ….stop by!
Kathy T - Thank you. I thought it was just me. Even a diet busting ice cream cone and drive by myself couldn’t lift my horrible mood. On top of that, I know I’m letting my kids down by being so crabby. But like everything else in life, we’ll all endure. Tomorrow is another day. With any luck, it will be a better one. Or at least less crabby! 🙂
Taylor-Ann - Part fo the mom definition is crazy…and if not, it should be. We all have our moments and yours was yesterday and mine today. :o)
Hope your Tuesday is better than yesterday.
God is Awesome and works is wonderful ways!
Shannon - Meg,
I do not know you in real life. I love to follow you on your blog because you are such an inspiration to me. You are so brutally honest about life, being a wife, being a mother and just by being a woman that so many of us try to acknowledge. Or at least I try not to myself. I desire so much to be that Proverbs 31 woman myself and fall short by miles each and every day. I love the exerpt you wrote today…I may need to get that book and read it myself because it was very uplifting. I want to say thank you for continuing to have your blog and being honest with cyber world so that we all can see too that we are not the only women out there feeling the way you do much of the time and that you are someone most of us can relate to!
Lora - God IS good and thank goodness for that because us moms get a little crazy at times. Thanks for always speaking the truth …
Charity - Nope, not crazy at all, just real. I totally relate, and while I hate those times when I’m the crazy, angry, mom, I think they help push me in the right direction. They’re like a signal that something’s gotta give, or change, or be adjusted, you know?
Stacia - You’re amazing. Hope today goes better 🙂
Amanda - Thanks for the laugh! That video was a riot and I howled with laughter while watching. (while my husband said what? I didn’t get it…) LOL-yes, I made him watch him again.
With the school year approaching I find myself wavering between each of those moods minute by minute thruout the day-I feel totally psycho too. Missing them already and guilty for wishing them away-feeling selfish- but needing some alone time as well so badly I can taste it. You are not alone.
Lee Ann - I think you sound just like the rest of us! 🙂 That’s why I love checking your blog first thing in the morning.
Love that people blessed you right when you needed it. And that painting of Michelle’s…..sometimes I think that’s how we women are. The colors are cheerful, but the face is a little “off”. Hmmmm….
Love the quote about Proverb’s 31. It’s all Jesus!!!!
tara pollard pakosta - That’s women for ya!
full of emotion, thinking from one
thing to the next! no worries, you are NOT alone in this!
xoxoxoxox
tara
Deputy's Wife - Your side notes is what keeps it real. We are all in there with you honey.
Thank you for posting what you read, I needed that today. Really. May I ask what you were reading? I think I would like to read some more.
Christine Ishmael - Grab a girlfriend and go see “Eat, Pray, Love” with Julia Roberts AND grab the book to read…it changed my attitude and gave me a “big girl pill” at the same time…I’ve been a much nicer mom/wife this week because of the message…hopefully it will last…love ya Meg and your not crazy girl, we all feel these things…I wish my brain would slow down sometimes and just shut off…but I better be careful what I wish for! ha ha
Tracey Garcia - You don’t sound crazy at all! I have those days too. My kids go back to school on Monday and I am so not ready and blue about it. Especially since my baby is starting kindergarten and I will be going back to preschool (to teach) without him.
And the Annie hug—doesn’t that make it better? I know when one of my kids gives an unexpected hug, kiss or I love you it can soothe my heart. Except when I am totally aggravated and they say “mom?” and I respond when with a frutrated “WHAT!!?” and they say “I love you”—-then I feel like that horrible mother who deserves to be locked up—but don’t we all have those moments? Maybe that is God tapping us on the shoulder and showing us what really matters. 🙂
charity palmer - thanks for sharing and being so real on your blog! It’s helpful to a future mama to see the “real” side of things that can so often be left out. Proverbs 3:5-6…that says it all 🙂
Andrea - Thank you so mch for posting this and for being so real. I love that you’re vulnerable and allow your readers to go along on the journey with you. I feel the exact same way! Some days I’m teary because summer is over, then the next minute I’m frustrated with my kids and can’t wait to have a little more space during the day! I have thought the same thing with my blog…that I must sound like I have split personalities sometimes. The reality is, that it’s the journey that allows us the ups and downs. It’s the ebb and flow of our human-fleshy side and the spiritual-loving Jesus side. I pray, like many moms do (I think!), that the Jesus side wins over more than the fleshy side and rest in the fact that God has more grace for us than we give ourselves. You seem like a great (and really fun!) mom! Keep up the good work 😉
jill - Are you pms-ing like me????? I.FEEL.EXACTLY.THE.SAME.WAY! My gas tank is empty, as they say. This too shall pass…
xo~Jill
Susan - Meg, thanks for sharing. I struggle with being a Proverbs 31 woman as well as the fruits of the spirit. I was once told if I couldn’t identify all of the fruits of the spirit in my life that maybe I didn’t really have Jesus in my heart! That messed with me for a long time but I’m learning that it is a process just like you are. I told my daughter last week while I was so busy getting ready for vacation and preparing the house for remodel that is taking place while we are gone that I was ready to take her to the nearest fire station and leave her! She’s 10 and the light of my life and the closest thing to Jesus with skin in my life but sometimes…It’s just being overwhelmed. I only have the 1 daughter and you must be 5 times as overwhelmed as I am. Thanks for sharing your very normal life and helping the rest of us feel like we are not alone!
Lora - You had the same evening as me last night! Sigh…….thanks for sharing.
Susan - Hi Meg!
I have been reading your blog(obsessively) for a long time! I first loved you for your beautiful house, but continued to read because of your honesty, your eye for beauty and your “momness.” I enjoy you. Thank you for encouraging me! (I still love, love your beautiful house!)
Denise - sunday was my melt down. I was so hard on everyone and said some pretty harsh words. then sure enough, joyce meyer talked about our words yesterday and how powerful they are. let’s just say I was deeply convicted. thankfully, i am forgiven.
Emily - I appreciate your blog so much… it’s real… it’s how I feel so often and it’s nice to know I’m not alone… thanks for bringing inspiration, family love, the love for GOD and so much more to my life!
Samantha Lee - Crazy or not, this post inspired me.
Laura - the washing machine is STILL BROKEN???????????????????????????? I was there when it got fixed!!!!!!
laura - that gospel truth is exactly what you (&me!) need. so glad you heard it in that book & were encouraged!
heidi @ wonder woman wannabe - I can relate – that’s exactly why I started my blog.
The Proverbs 31 woman (I refer to her as wonder woman) is who I WANT to be, but I know I’ll never fully be at all times in every circumstance. I can only pursue that model (by HIS Grace) knowing I need to rely on His strength every step of the way and be satisfied with being who he created individual me to be.
So glad you were blessed today – God does know, thank goodness for that.
Your side notes gave me a giggle – We’re all in a perpetual state of prThat mogress and our minds are so feeble, aren’t they? That’s exactly why I’ve been dwelling on Romans 12:2 for some time now…
Angie - Meg,
I don’t know you, but I love your blog..I just want to encourage you that you are not alone and you don’t sound psycho! I can relate to everything you wrote. My kids started school last Wed and yesterday we had Epic Homework Battle #1 that involved a highly disrespectful teenager and a worn out mom who wondered “why am I doing this anyway?” I felt like such a failure! But, later, there were apologies and everything turned out OK. God is good…all the time and He loves us (and our kids) with an everlasting love. Thanks for your honesty.
elisa - Right there with you.
Kimberlee J. - I needed this badly this morning. Yesterday late was a wreck for me too. Here’s to the One who can improve any situation when we recognize Him in it. Love you.
Emily@remodelingthislife - What a blessing!!
Jennifer - Megan,
You don’t sound like a crazy woman, you sound like a REAL woman. Thanks for keeping it real. You’re always a breath of fresh air! And I am so thankful to know I am not the only one jumping from the optimistic and fun to do lists to feeling grumpy, etc. THNAK YOU for being vulnerable! YOu’re a blessing to me. Praying for you today.
Lori - Meg, thanks for being honest and sharing your life, the ups and downs too. You aren’t crazy, rather you are normal. My son doesn’t start school until 9/7, but we take my daughter to college for her first year a week from today…so I am up and down, between YES YES YES and NOOOOOOOO. A bittersweet time that includes lots of nostalgia for sweet hugs from my kids. Hugs!
Amy Lynne - Sounds like life! There are ups and downs, great days and days we wish for a “do over” button! It’s all the pieces that make us appreciate what we have even when we have to take a deep breath and pray for peace in our hearts to make the situation better! I’ve been taking a lot of those breaths lately, but I think it’s the time of year that has everyone a little squirrel-ly! Good luck sweetie, things will settle down and you will have better days!
Tara - just beautiful.
such truth.
such realness.
it’s a beautiful moment when any of us recognize that we can’t do it but He can.
his strength is made perfect in our weakness.
thanks for sharing your moment of seeing His bigness/your smallness.
Vicki Esh - I just discovered your blog recently (how did I not know about you until now??). I am in love with your blog because you’re so honest. . .Thanks for keepin’ it real!
Katy Stone - This was encouraging to read. Thanks for being so real. Praying now that Christ will restore you as you sleep and you will wake up refreshed in His spirit!
Tracy - Awww… sending big big hugs your way my friend that today is a much better day for you. No matter how hard of a good mom, friend, sister, wife we all try to be – there are just those days that get to us and break us down. I think you are a fantastic mom and can’t imagine you ever getting angry – LOL On the flip side – I think it was SO SWEET that Annie came and gave you an “arm” hug – she must have known you really needed it and God sent her to bless you at that very moment. :o) I hope that today is a much better day for you and I look forward to seeing the new back to school photos of your beautiful family. xoxoxo
edie - Yes! Christ lived a perfect sinless life in our place.
We trust in His perfect obedience completely because we will never measure up.
And we learn to live in repentance, before God and our little ‘neighbors’.
Redemption is beautiful.
And so are you.
lots of love,
edie
Julie - Meg, I think so many of us can relate to this and I think it really comes down to expectations. We, as mothers, expect so much of ourselves (especially ourselves), our kids, our husbands, and we really do want our lives to be picture-perfect even though we know they aren’t and never will be; not that there’s anything wrong with expectations, even very high expectations. Expectations are good ~ they give us something to live UP to. But sometimes we have to bring them down to our real life experience. I’ve learned to expect from Christ and He (alone) lives up to those expectations ~ He never fails. Thanks for sharing the devotional ~ very good, very encouraging. Hope you are feeling better soon! 🙂
Christina - Meg, I think this post is just perfect. I struggle so. I struggle with being a Christian and having depression and OCD. How does it work? Why isn’t Jesus enough? But really, do I even give him a chance to be? Those are such powerful words that you shared. I love that…Proverbs 32 woman. How that rings true! ha I can lie in bed feeling so angry and resentful because my littlest one won’t let me sleep and get so furious and hateful in my head that I don’t even go to church. My husband is on staff! Talk about not setting the right examples. I don’t really know what I’m trying to say. Thanks for sharing your honest days.
Gemma - Hope you’re feeling refreshed soon!
Gemma x
Dana @ Bungalow'56 - Megan,
Well I think you are writing about the stuff many of us feel. But unlike you, we gloss over it, afraid to write about our crazy days for fear that maybe…we might sound crazy. I am writing this comment to you at 2:40 am instead of sleeping. Take some time for yourself, eat some chocolate, and tomorrow will be a much better day.
Dana
Angela - I really relate to your side-side note. It’s to hard for me to be all things to everyone………..sometimes I’m resentful, then I feel guilty. Being a mother is a wonderful blessing but darn it’s hard sometimes.
My kids started school last week and I do miss them but I really miss not having to get up at 5am so everyone gets fed and to school on time.
I just have to remind myself I’m human and sometimes I will fail but it’s ok.
I hope the rest of your week goes well! I’ll keep you in my prayers.